


D, D is for Divorce

by BeccatheBiscuitBaker



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Boys In Love, Bullying, Coming Out, Death Threats, Depression, Developing Relationship, Divorce, F slur, F/F, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Jared Kleinman Being an Asshole, Jared is a bully in this one, M/M, Making Out, Minor Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, OOC Jared, Recreational Drug Use, Romantic Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26519560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccatheBiscuitBaker/pseuds/BeccatheBiscuitBaker
Summary: Connor was 13 when his parents split.This is his story.
Relationships: Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy & Cynthia Murphy, Connor Murphy & Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Cynthia Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy
Kudos: 35





	D, D is for Divorce

**Author's Note:**

> I have o t h e r things to be working on but nooooo, I wanted to start another fucking fan fiction that I didn't need to write!
> 
> Goddamn my brain, being creative!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Connor was 13 when it happened.

He didn't see it coming. At all. Sure, his parents were fighting...but he thought it was normal.

They sat him and Zoe down, both looking concerned.

"Kids," Larry started. "You need to know that this does not mean we don't love you, you are our first priority, okay?"

The siblings nodded.

Cynthia took Zoe's hand in her right, and Connor's in her left, "We have decided to get divorced."

"What's a divorced?" Zoe asked.

"It means that Mom and Dad don't feel how they used to," Larry said, ruffling Zoe's hair. "We don't love each other anymore. But we still love you two."

"I'm going to be living somewhere else starting soon," Cynthia added. "And Zoe will come with me. Connor, you will stay here with Dad. Okay?"

Zoe didn't understand, but Connor did. He stood up from the table, turning to go to his room. He was so fast that he knocked over his chair in the process, but he didn't care.

This divorce was going to be his downfall.

The next day was the first time Connor skipped class. It was scary, being outside when he was supposed to be learning about whisker plot boxes. Some creepy high schoolers were hiding behind the school, smoking something.

Connor knew that smoking was wrong, so despite his fear, he decided to tell them off.

"You know that smoking is bad for you, right?" Connor asked, approaching the group.

They laughed at him.

"Look little man," one laughed. "This is the safest thing on the planet. We aren't stupid, we don't smoke cigarettes. This," he motioned to the joint in his hand, "is good. It takes pain away. Want to try?"

Connor shook his head, backing up. Those kids scared him. He ended up hiding in a bathroom until his next class.

After the divorce Zoe stopped being his friend. She played with her friends and ignored the fact that she had a brother.

It hurt. They used to be best friends, now Connor had none. The other kids whispered about him, they thought he was crazy. He didn't even know why! The printer thing was years ago, why couldn't they let sleeping dogs lie?

It made him mad, why shouldn't be be? They whispered all this shit about him, some even tried to taunt him! He eventually learned to let it go, but it was a good thing Cynthia wasn't around...He kept coming home with a busted lip or a black eye. Larry wasn't around long enough to notice. The teachers just gave him detention for defending himself and they moved on.

The whispers that came in eighth grade were worse. All the football players were calling him fag, he didn't even know what that meant but it hurt!

After school when he had heard it about thirty times he finally searched what that word meant, and he was appalled. Gay. It's an insult to gay people. Connor had an uncle who was gay, Larry didn't like him...but Connor did. There was nothing wrong with gay people, and Connor wasn't gay! They had no reason to call him that, and they shouldn't call people that! It's mean!

That was the same night that Larry didn't come home. Connor was terrified. He couldn't call Cynthia because Larry would get mad, so he had no one!

Larry was home early the next day, his son pissed.

"You didn't even call me!" Connor screamed. "What if you were dead? You could have texted me or something! You're such an asshole!"

Larry snapped up, "Don't talk to me like that Connor! I'm sorry I didn't call you, okay?"

"Where were you?!"

Larry shrugged, "I had a date--don't give me that look! I'm a grown man I can go out on a date!"

It was stupid...but Connor had always hoped that his parents would get back together. After a year it should have been clear...but he had a pipe dream.

When that last string was cut...it was the end of his hope.

Age 15, and stoned as fuck. Well...there was more than that going on, but that was all Connor could think about.

His dealer was throwing a little party, it was the closest Connor had felt to belonging in a long time. Sure...they were all adults and he was not, but Connor looked like them. Jaded, reserved. Happy to be high.

"Hey," one of the party goers beckoned him over. "C'mere."

Connor obeyed, his subconscious knowing that whatever happened would be bad. The guy who had called him kissed his cheek...which was disgusting.

"I brought coke," the guy grinned. "Wanna have some, cutie?"

Connor glared at him, "Pervert! I'm fucking...fuck no!"

Connor did not want to be around if there was more than pot on the scene. He stumbled out the door, disoriented and unsure of where the hell he was. He ended up calling Cynthia, Larry was most likely sleeping or out on a date.

Cynthia was pissed, but picked him up.

"Connor!" She pulled up to the curb and took his face in her hands. "Jesus Christ! Are you high?"

Connor shrugged, "Duh."

His mother looked like she wanted to scream, "Oh my god! You could have been killed! Your father is going to get an earful, that's for sure."

"Nonononono," Connor shushed her. "Larry can't know. Besides, I doubt he's home."

That just made her more mad.

"Get in the car," she pushed him towards the back seat. Zoe was on passenger side, scrolling through her phone. Connor just flopped down, tired and hungry.

Cynthia started driving, "Zoe, did you know about this?"

Zoe clicked her phone off, "Everyone does, Mom. He comes to school baked at least three times a week!"

Cynthia gripped the wheel tighter, "And you didn't think to tell me this?! He is your brother, Zoe! Is there anything else I should know about?!"

Neither mentioned the bullying.

"Cynthia?" Connor called. "Do...is there food in here?"

Cynthia softened, "You can eat at home, honey."

He stayed the night with his mother. Connor couldn't sleep, and he spent the night reflecting. He felt bad for calling her, but there wasn't another option available. The next morning Zoe vanished to be with her friends, and Connor sat with Cynthia.

"She hates me," Connor mumbled, throwing his hood up. "You should too."

"Zoe doesn't hate you," Cynthia rationalized. "She is just...at her age life is tough enough. And I can't hate you Connor, I'm your mother. Look...it isn't my business what your father does. But...if you're home alone or just don't want to be there, you can come here. I'm always open for you, if you need me just let me know. I miss you, and I'm clearly missing a lot."

Connor nodded, happy to have someone want him.

"Your hair is getting a little long," Cynthia chuckled. "Are you growing it out?"

Connor blushed...He didn't trust her enough yet, "Um...yeah. I am."

Cynthia just smiled, moving on, "How is school going?"

"Not good."

Cynthia squeezed his hand, "I'm sorry hun, high school is tough. But...I think it would be easier if you weren't high."

"He keeps...we fight all the time," Connor whispered. "And his girlfriend freaks me out! She's like...plastic!"

Cynthia nodded, "Tell him how you feel, he's your father, you should be first. Okay?"

"Why aren't you mad?"

Cynthia smiled softly, "I am. But...you being introduced to drugs isn't your fault. You're young, impressionable. If anything, your father should have been paying more attention to you. Yes, I'm upset, but as the child you can't be blamed for someone else's neglect."

Connor nodded, unsure of how to react. All he knew for sure was that Cynthia was in his corner.

And he hoped that she never left it.

By sophomore year things calmed down. Connor could now drive, Larry stopped dating, and Cynthia was now his best friend. Yes, that's really embarrassing, but it was true.

Cynthia was the only person he came out to, turns out middle school Connor was wrong. He was in fact gay.

Every day after school Connor would go to Cynthia's for a few hours before going home. She helped him with school work, or they just talked. It made things easier.

One day he came home, reflecting heavily on what has happened. Cynthia caught on immediately.

"Hey honey," Cynthia called. "I've got veggie pizza if you're hungry...Connor?"

He gave her a look, "Mom, no."

Cynthia grinned, "Oh! Honey!"

"Mooooom!"

"You have a crush on someone!" She was literally jumping up and down. "Tell me!"

Connor shrugged, "He's probably straight anyway, it doesn't matter."

"Spill the tea."

Connor snorted, "How do you even know about that?"

"Oh hush, I'm cultured, now spill!"

Connor collapsed in his seat at the counter, "His name is Evan."

"Aaaaaaaaand?"

"Aaaaand...He is, by far, the cutest guy I've ever seen? We have advanced bio together, and I just, he's amazing."

Cynthia beamed, "Invite him over! You of all people should know not to judge a book by their cover, get to know him and find out!"

Connor really couldn't get out of it. Evan shockingly agreed to the invite, and Cynthia started matchmaking.

It was very subtle, but Cynthia made Connor look perfect. They never mentioned Larry or the divorce around Evan, Zoe was never home when Evan was there, and Cynthia fully avoided the two after exactly four minutes of small talk.

By the end of the second week Evan came out to Connor as bi. With that, everything snowballed.

"Oh," Evan checked his phone. "I've got a therapy appointment, I-I should go."

"Do...do you need a ride?"

Evan shook his head, "Nah, I should b-be fine."

Connor got up, showing Evan to the door like normal, "Uh, bye?"

Evan smiled, "Bye! Oh, um...nevermind."

"What?"

Evan shook his head, "No, it's stupid!"

"No it's not, just tell me."

Evan shook his head again. Connor decided to grow up, they had been dancing around it for almost a week. He leaned into Evan, pressing their lips together. It was awkward and not perfect in the slightest, but Evan kissed back.

When Evan was gone Cynthia peeked from around the corner.

"Well?"

Connor smiled softly, "I kissed him, he kissed back."

Cynthia squealed, "Oh, honey! I'm so happy for you!"

And Connor was happy too.

Junior year wasn't all that interesting. Evan was terrified of being bullied like Connor was, so the two didn't act like a couple at school. Unless they were alone, or with Cynthia, they were strictly friends. And that was okay. They both agreed that it was okay.

Senior year sucked. Connor only had one class with Evan, and he didn't have any other friends. And there was a new bully.

His name was Jared, and Connor was honestly terrified of him. He took what everyone else did and made it look like children's banter. He gave looks, made comments, and even went directly to Connor a few times. He was pushed, tripped, and punched. It was absolute hell.

The senior locker bay was right by the front doors. Connor was grabbing a spare notebook when Jared spotted him.

"Hey Connor," he greeted, shoving him against the row of lockers. "Heard you like fucking guys, is that true? No need to answer, we all know you're a faggot."

Connor tightened his arms around himself, "Fuck off Jared, you could get suspended for talking to me like this."

Jared snorted, "Well, you see Connor, if you tell a soul what's going on here, I will kill you."

Connor felt his throat tighten. He couldn't respond. He went to go back to class, but Jared shoved him and he crashed to the floor.

"Pussy." Jared scoffed, walking away.

A few weeks later Jared comes back with more ammo.

"So, you have a thing for Evan," Jared laughed. They were in the middle of class, but no one noticed. "God knows that he isn't aware, he would ditch you on the spot. You're disgusting, nothing could ever love you. Why do you think your parents split? They both don't want you, you're completely the reason they divorced. Hello, Zoe is a sexy, smart babe, and you're their pathetic emo that has no future. Oh, and if I see you look at Evan ever again I will not hesitate to tell everyone what a disgusting creature you are, you actually make us all sick."

Jared went back to his seat with a smile, Connor scared for his life.

Connor's last class was the one he shared with Evan. The two sat next to each other too. Jared wasn't there, but Connor was terrified. He didn't look Evan's way once.

"Hey," Evan nudged his foot. "What's wrong?"

Connor didn't answer, looking forward.

Evan connected the dots, "Whatever he told you, ignore him. He's an asshole, he won't act on anything." Evan dropped his voice to a barely audible whisper, "I love you, please."

Connor lowered his head to the table, taking Evan's hand in his, "He said I can't look at you. Or else he's going to tell everyone that I like you."

Evan squeezed his hand.

"I will talk to him," Evan sighed. "Play dumb. But, if we are quick enough we can get out of the parking lot before him, then you should be fine."

Connor nodded, turning his attention to his notebook. After school the couple went to Larry's house so no one walked in on them. Cynthia was great, but she asked too many questions.

The moment Evan's lips are on his he forgets everything. Evan must be magic. The two meld together, letting hands explore lazily. They have been together for almost two years, they know each other's tics.

Evan's shaky hands tangle in his hair and Connor runs a hand up Evan's thigh, tongues caressing and soft moans being shared.

"Are you staying over?" Connor asked, moving to kiss down Evan's neck.

Evan hummed, pleased, "Yeah."

That was basically Connor asking if they would go farther than making out. They haven't had sex yet, it was something Evan insisted they waited on until they were 18, but they've had...other stuff. They've mutually gotten off, basically. Whenever Evan stays over they do that and then shower together, waiting until Larry is asleep of course.

"S-shit, Connor," Evan groaned quietly, feeling Connor's teeth drag across his neck.

Connor brings his head back up, parting Evan's lips with his own. Their tongues dance together, Evan's hands carding through his hair. They continue to make out lazily until they hear Larry's car pull in the driveway, content to be together.

Larry is waiting for him by the office. He has a doctor appointment. As Connor is grabbing his bag Jared comes over.

"Hey, Connor," He greeted. "Where you off to, tough guy?"

"Fuck off Jared, I'm going to tell someone if you don't leave me alone."

Jared snorted, grinning, "Then you're asking to die." He sauntered off, back to class.

Connor stomped over to his father, head down.

"What the hell did he say to you?" Larry asked, leading them to the car.

"Nothing."

Larry gave him a look, "Bullshit Connor! Is that guy messing with you? You need to stand up for yourself if he is. Don't let him push you around."

"It doesn't matter," Connor sighed, staring out the window.

Larry stopped at a red light, "Tell me what the fuck he said to you, now."

Connor didn't respond.

"Connor, I will call your mother, and she will make you tell us."

"I CAN'T!"

Larry flinched, "Why not? What's this asshole got on you?"

Connor looked down, "He said he'd kill me."

And _that_ was a mistake.

Connor knew he got his poor temper from his father, but he hadn't seen Larry blow up at anyone besides him until now.

The principal is getting quite the earful from Larry at the moment. Jared and his father are across the room, the dad looks pissed.

"You mean to tell me that my son has been going through this for years, and you idiots never bothered to report anything to us parents?"

The principal isn't fased by Larry. At all.

"Mr. Murphy we have a strict bullying policy that is listed in the student handbook. Frankly your son has a record with outbursts, so I'm sorry that we couldn't do more."

Larry is baffled, "This isn't petty bullying, my son's life was threatened! Several times!"

The door opened, in walks the superintendent.

"Mr. Murphy, please sit down," she instructed.

Larry returns to his chair.

"I'll make this brief," she sighed. "Jared, you are expelled, this school has no tolerance for threatening the lives of your peers. Mr. Kleinman, I hope you understand why we are making this decision. Connor, feel free to head back to class."

Connor gets up, Jared burning holes into his skull.

"I only did it because he's gay," Jared piped up.

"Fuck off," Connor hissed, storming out.

He ran into Evan in the hallway. Evan looked happy to see him.

"Thought you were getting suspended or something when I saw you in the office," Evan chuckled, squeezing Connor's wrist quick. "Everything okay?"

Connor shrugged, not wanting to worry him. "I'll tell you at my mom's place, don't worry. See you in eighth?"

Evan nodded, quickly scanning the hallway before kissing Connor's cheek.

"Hey Mom," Connor called, opening the door. "We're here!"

Cynthia doesn't have snacks set out, she's just sitting at the island.

"Your father is coming over to talk to me, about you," she sighed, stirring her tea. "Get out of here before that, please. He isn't happy."

Connor nodded, leading him and Evan back out to the car.

"Why would he be mad?" Evan asked, puzzled.

Connor sighed, starting towards his house, "Jared outed me to him, probably that."

Evan stumbled for a moment, "Wh- but I don't- why?"

"He's probably pissed that he got expelled, high time those assholes did something."

Evan nodded in agreement.

They two didn't get much done while waiting for Larry to get home. Connor was too anxious and Evan was too busy trying to keep Connor from being anxious.

"Hey, I love you," Evan murmured, running his hands through Connor's hair.

"I love you too," Connor sighed, resting his head on Evan's shoulder.

The two settled down on Connor's bed, Evan intertwining their legs and laying down for Connor to spoon him. Connor accepts the offer, wrapping his arms around Evan. The two dose off quickly, warmth shared between them.

Larry isn't exactly happy to see Evan when he gets home. Larry has always liked Evan, but it's clear that he isn't in the mood for guests.

"Evan, would you mind heading home? I need to speak to Connor."

Evan nodded, "Y-yeah! Sure! I-I'll see you tomorrow C-Connor."

Once Evan is gone Larry turns on him.

"Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to talk to your ex-wife to learn about your own son? She knows everything about you, I know nothing. But apparently she never knew about the bullying either. You never told me you were going over there! And now you're gay? Were you ever going to tell me?!"

"No."

"Why not?"

Connor ran a hand through his hair, "Because you never gave me a reason to tell you! You're making a big deal over nothing! I like guys, so what?! I have a boyfriend, I'm happy, that's it! Nothing different has happened! Mom didn't make it a big deal, she just accepted it! Hell, she even helped set me up with Evan, she doesn't care! What does it matter?!"

"I'm your father!"

"And I'm gay, end of discussion!"

Larry and him walked on eggshells for a few weeks after that. When Evan came over it was worse. Connor tried to ignore it.

Connor had had a rough day, and Evan was trying to make it better by kissing him. It was working. Really well.

Connor groaned, feeling Evan's hands tug at his hair. He let their tongues slide together in a slow dance, drawing a moan from Evan.

"Love you," Evan groaned, pulling at Connor's hair harder.

They continued to kiss, not bothering to pay attention anymore, there wasn't a secret to hide from Larry.

It hits that Connor doesn't need to hide anymore. He isn't perfect, that's okay. He isn't going to change for anyone and accepting is so much easier.

Connor was going to survive.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi thank you I'm tired and hungry so I'm going to eat some pumpkin bread, have a good whatever time zone you're in!


End file.
